Well I turned 21 on the 17th of november. It was okay up until the next day. My sister decided to try and kill herself on my birthday. I didn't know till the next day. It really ate me up inside. It was a huge shock to go home after a night of partying and fun to come home and find out your sister was in the hospital. I kinda went nuts for a whiel there. Well more then kinda I locked myself into a very dark place and could not seem to escape it for some time. I was torn between guilt and sorrow, mixed in with a bit of fear. I became so lost that I was forced to drown it all out or I feared I would become lost forever. It seems whenever I see happiness fate steals it away from me. Just before Suzannes suicide attempt I really felt that things were lookig up and that I was close to feeling good again. But now I still feel empty. I don't want to feel empty any more, but i no longer have the strength to fill my self up alone any more. I don;t want to fall back inot the darkness but I feel that all I have left is that sweet oblivion of nothing. It is so much easier to live in a world consumed by anger and fear numbing it all out with a some sort of drug. But I dont wantto enter into that world. I have seem what it does to people and I dont want to be that, I am walking a over a perlious p[ass hanging from a tight rope. I already fell off. Why I caught on and still cling to hope is beyond me. But i did. I just dont know if my strength will hold till I make t to the other side. For the first time in my life I cannot win alone. I need the strength of another to help pull me through. That is the scariest thing of all. I am no longer strong enough to be alone.