you look like someone who would...but it's positive. he's positive. i know you wouldnt like how i'm interested. but who's good enough? she's good enough, barely. but what can i say in defense? what i'm leaning toward is a lost cause. a means to an end. because nothing can come out of nothing. i'm an ugly batch of mess ups myself. notice this scar? bruise? i dont wear tight pants anymore. i used to have an ass. you used to care. i used to care. he used to care. i shrug. i havent titled anything lately. not of my life. people know we're close. i like that. i guess. so the reason i'm looking at him is so i stop looking at you. that's what you want. that's definitely what she wants. that's not what i want. but that's ok. oh, so i'm tired. i'm tired of being awake. it's weird how when i hear people talk it actually makes me tired. like, how an you speak? isnt it tiring? really. just shut up. oh, dont bother. dont give a shit. seriously. quite alright. just back off. i dont feel like it. i dont feel like anything. it's called lunch. it's called...ok?....replacement isnt the right word, but it's the first word that comes to mind. kind of like a switch. fuck that. i can stand in the shade and watch you sit in the middle. sit in the middle and i wish that was me. i'm standing in the shade wishing i was you. with your shirts. and your shoes. and your hair. and your youness. yea i'm disgusting. yea i dont need you to tell me that. yea i'm well aware. but how does this happen? two days in a row? how am i affected? why? i'm sick of feeling sick. i'm sick of thinking. that's that. -amanda sorry you couldnt catch me at a better time.