oh man, this is really crazy, thats why no one is going to read this one, ah maybe they will. Basically im in a lose lose situation here. a good friend of mine, one i had strong feelings for, im finally over. and now there is a new girl, and she is just amazing. we went on a date last friday to a carnival thing at our school called wolfstock. but a few weeks ago i told the former one, names will remain unlisted, that i was over her, because she didnt feel that way about me and told me there wasnt going to be anything between us. i wanted her to know that i knew exactly what she meant, and nothing would happen more or less than our friendship now, but what i said wasnt taken the right way. then later i told her i had a date with this girl, because a) i havent been on a date in a loooong time and b) because i thought she would be excited for me. you know, not have to worry about me liking her, but she didnt think that at all, she thought i was rubbing it in. she hasnt had a solid relationship since freshman year, her only one, and now she is a senior. yeah im a sophomore i dont know what i was thinking, but she is just the most wonderful person ever. anyway, now we are in a little dispute, and i feel awful. i almost wanted to cancel the date but her friends told me that would be a bad idea, and that i could always fix friendships, but if i missed this one it would be bad. (just as a side note im so glad i went, ill talk about that later) but the first girl the one who is mad at me, called me an asshole, because she said i hurt her, and i honestly didnt mean to i would never do that on purpose but i guess it happened anyway and i cant make her see im not a bad guy. my friends think im wonderful but im not as close to them as i am with this other girl, or atleast i think i am, im not sure about now because she is peeved with me. and im feeling even worse now because i really want to talk to her about it, but i just cant bring myself to do it. i really dont want to hurt her any more than i already have. i just cant seem to do it. this is killing me inside, ive met the most amazing girl every, and now i have to leave one behind. most of this is just rambling so i hope it makes sense in the long run. basically, this week has been one of the best, and one of the worst. i really dislike this position, and i know some of my friends say it will work itself out, but lately my new interest is just pissing people off. ah god i hate complaining but right now its about all i can do to get over this situation, as much as i dont want to think about it i have to. because i want this relationship to work out, i really do, but i dont want to lose someone who has taught me so much about life and what my boundaries are on peoples feelings...damn, doesnt being a teenager suck sometimes? anyway, other than that today was a great day, i just have this on my mind and cant get out of it until i talk it out, which i hope comes....and im sure this was confusing to read because i didnt really distinguish who what girl was, and i hate using that word because its so vague, but for my lifes sake and my friends reading this i dont want them to know who it is if they dont already know. its too much to deal with right now