i might have to delete this. this entire journal. the last 3 1/2 years of my fucking life. becuz he wants to know it. and read it. and know that i'm a stupid fucking whore. and he can't. i won't tell him. he's smart and i'm scared he'll figure out how to find it. i found it randomly becuz i mispelt a restaurant and then googled it. he'll find it. then he'll hate me. leave me. becuz he says he'll always love me and never leave me, but i fucked up. MORE THAN ONCE. can't do it. can't do it. i don't want to do it! please please please let him "forget" about it again. just to let everyone know, i'll fucking kill myself if he leaves me. i'm not a weak person. i'm strong, reliable and opinionated. but if he leaves me especially becuz it really is my fault, i won't be blogging anymore. ever.