well i will keep calling you to see if you're sleepin are you dreamin and if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me i cant believe you actually picked...me i thought that the world had lost its sway (its so hard sometimes) ^Blue October--Calling You *Awsome Song and Band Im just wow.. in a really baddd fucken mood and i honestly dont know why.. well i do and there is alottt fucken to it.. I Just feel like i dont deserve to be cared about.. i kinda feel like im a failure at alot of shit that i do.. Some times i feel like no matter what i do that its never gonna be good enough... Have you ever felt that way? Well yeah i feel like that EVERY MINUTE of EVERY FUCKEN DAY.... I cant stand to fucken deal with feeling like this.. I walk in to Criminal Justice Everyday, and i look at my boyfriend and im like wow.. He is like amazing and there is like nuthing i want more.. and then shit like this happens where i feel like i dont deserve him.. I feel like ill never be good enough.. and i wont amount to what he deserves.. and i think to myself im not pretty enough, of skinny enough, er popular enough to be loved by him er cared about, and then i slapp myself out of it and im like im so lucky.. Honestly i dont know what i would do if i wasnt dating doug, er if i was and i couldnt see him everyday.. Cuz i honestly care about him like whoa.. and i dont know what i would do if i end up fucken this up too.. i Mean everything is going really good between me n him besides the thing that happened last night.. but i mean seriously. Im like really happy EVERYDAY when i see him my day just turns around. But last night i stared at myself in the mirror and was like im really not good enough for him... :-/ Idk, after Dan i just havent really thought of myself as beautiful, er worth being loved, and when ppl start to care about me i get scared that they'll leave me like he did.. and i cant let that happen.. i cant fall in love with someone SOOO fucken hard like i did with Dan, and then Have them leave me laying here to fucken die.. i cant do it ne more.. i cant Im Soooo scared to get close to ppl for fear they will do me wrong and that i will hurt them.. i cant leave Doug, and i cant let him leave me.. i Need him Wayyy to much... ¢¾Dan i Love you, You will Always be my friend and i dont blame nething that happened between us on you.. it was me.. all my fault, and im sorry that i made you go thru this, and i promise i wont ever bother you again.. Just know i LOVE and Care About you With everything i have, and if u ever need sum1 to hold er to tell you it will be okay, know that i am here.. Always and Forever..¢¾ Well fucken Shit im outt... *Tears Roll Down as She Confesses I Loved him More Than i EVER loved Myself* ^Written by Me^