i'm not happy.
tonight was my awakening, i guess.
i'm not happy. i haven't been for years.
and i'm getting desperate.
i'm searching vainly for something, anything. something i can cling to, and present to myself as an excuse to hang on.
i want so badly for someone to care and yet i'm pushing away anyone and everyone who tries to. i scream for my friends as i fight them off. and i'm hurting them.
that isn't what i wanted. in fact, that was the last thing i ever wanted.
but it happened. and i don't know how i can change it...except to change myself.
i don't know anymore. i think i need to just disappear for a while.
i'd rather hurt them because i care then have them think i don't, and hurt them in that way.
i'm sorry...
You were doing this a long time ago,you knew you were.you were always "im losing everyone and pushing them away and i dont care". it caught up
-sarah
You know, i have looked around, and im not alone. sorry to disappoint you. and i know im in the middle of drama. im not as stupid as you think.
and since when was I the alone one? re read your entry, darling. you make ditching friends seem like a sport. good luck on that?
"i like it without drama. i have enough as it is" yeah einstein, im in the middle of drama.just said that in my entry.what point were u trying 2 make?
wow. I hope you feel better.. stay strong.
thank you darling, same goes for you, okay?
good luck.. xoxo
take care