my dad said we were quitting last night. he said he was serious and that in like 6 or 8 weeks, whenever he thinks i'll be clean, i'm gunna piss test. this blows. i love the buzz. it almost makes me want to cry. like i'm losing my best friend... because i always turn to it when i'm down. when i'm happy it makes me happier, when i'm sad i use it to chase away the blues. now that crutch is gone. i sound like a fucking addict. i'm not a junkie, and i've quit before. once for almost a year, this time is going to be harder. it's not just something i do, i've made it an integral part of my lifestyle ...last night i got drunk just because i couldn't get high and i wanted, no, needed a buzz. i just don't know what i'm going to do with myself. who am i going to be when the perma-fry wears off? does it define me? i feel like such an asshole when i'm not stoned. i don't want to be like the rest of the world who isn't high. they turn asshole too quickly. but this is what is happenening. this is what's real... i have to deal with it. i guess all i have left is God. well, it's time for you to shine buddy. here we go. peace love and no more marijuana sauce...