Lately, I've been feeling really weird. Like I don't care anymore. I feel like I don't belong. I never want to go to bed because...what if I never wake up? But then again...If I didnt wake up, I wouldnt have to put up with the bullshit in my life. I really wish I could go back to May of 2003 and just start all over. I mean, everything would be different. I would have a job, I would be in school...If we went back about another 7 months I wouldnt have a boyfriend...I just really wish I felt like I belonged for a change. Everyday my mom comes home, and rather then sitting down and having a conversation...she talks about me working and I just sit there or go to my room...cause I know I need to do shit but i don't...I'm just sick of her having to tell me everyday and I know thats my own fault...so I don't want any smart ass comments! Sometimes, I wish I could cry all day and just let out all the pain. I mean, I really feel like I'm alone in the world. My only best friend is miles away...I can't even talk to her online anymore. I lost 2 friends about a months ago...1 i could care less about cause hes an ass, the other...i just really with things could of been different. I pretty much lost another one last night. I guess you could call him a friend. Either way, they are gone! I wanna start over! I wanna die...I want to forget about everything! I mean, I'm scared! I'm scared to live another day because I know where my life is going...and it doesnt look good. I'm going to send my application off to Texas State...hopefully by today or tomorrow. If I don't get in, thats it! I'm done...