tim called today. it made me feel wonderful. i miss that world so much more than i thought possible. there is a place not vacant of meaning of purpose really inside of me that was only temporarily filled. im hoping the start of school will fill a fraction of this lost purpose as nothing else does. im suffocating. it;s like a lack of oxygen. i have nothing to draw upon (aha, a pun.) when before i had everything. im in withdrawl? maybe i'll find my purpose again someday. we can only hope, but i know better than to follow dreams that have already come true and been lost.