I'm still afraid of sleep, but I shouldn't be. I did step 1 2 & 3 from my map: go home, limpio el cuarto, make bed perfect. And I did everything very thoroughly. Lists seem to be the mode of the day, so here we go. Minus too much organization. Room: -wipe down of the counters (incl. top of toilet box) -decoration purge of various areas (top of toilet box, window sill, book shelf, top of chest of drawers, music arts & crafts circle center -thorough purge of under-the-bed: storage of old notebooks & school supplies, donation of old study books, deletion of old notecards and 1 loveless piece of art Bed: -shake down: pillows, comforter -jumped on bed as a method of mattress fluffing which may or may not make a difference, but at this point anything related to sleep needs all the detailing -flip of comforter, foldage of sweat-inducing second blanket. Tomorrow: -vacuum (since that is wrong to do at 12:30 at night) -kill any other bad spirits that may erk you -read, draw, journal -lay in the sun -organize anything that needs it (ie life) Tonight: -relaxation bath + music -sleep It looks like this is just what the doctor ordered. Chris had become my escape. I didn't realize how stressed out I was and didn't realize why. Usually I am always looking in on myself, noticing things and fixing things constantly, but without regular weed reflections, I think I kind of forgot to do that. I didn't realize that I was unhealthily stressed out about my college applications. I haven't slept well since Monday night? That's because of the application, obviously. I was so stressed about it, and I ignored it. I finally realized it today, cried about it for about 3 minutes, and then moved on. And now I'm going to deal with things. I will be better after this. That's the great thing about getting sick, or getting low in general (unless of course you are getting low at a school dance, in which case this does not at all apply): you get to take time to be low, then fix everything, then come up. I really like fixing things. I like solving problems. I like dealing with problems. I just like fixing things up. So my body's health is a reflection of how my mind was doing, and thank god for the warning. Oh no, I've been writing in this too long. Time to get back to myself.