Life sucks...seriously...how much worse can life be at the moment? well a lot worse, but things are pretty fucked up. Haley is gone, she had to go into a foster home. We were good friends and everything, its not fair...i miss her dammit. She was the first girl i ever kissed, granted it was as friends, but still... This morning on the bus i realized just how much i fuckin missed Talon... I loved him so much last year, and i accepted him for who he was, drugs and all, and things still didnt go my way. At least i was happy to be really good close friends with him... I see him sometimes in the hall now..i give him a hug here and there, there was times when i thought maybe he would like to be good friends again, and there are other times when i feel invisible to him... Today i hugged him 3 times, i almost skipped class for him... maybe i still love him? They say your first love never really dies...but then again how can i, when i think i just miss him...i miss the way he made me feel and the way he talked to me and held me and UGH everything... I wrote my health research paper yesterday and was ready to pass it in today, but NOOOO it cant be late...fuck it..why do i even try? im fuckin failing health and history, last year i got a B in history... Im ruining everyones lives... Karen is always depressed around me cuz chane likes me and she likes chane.. alisyn is depressed around me cuz tom likes me and she likes tom.. i like...well no one really..but if talon ever wanted me back..i would accept in an instant. Which is the exact reason my last relationship quickly died... i forced feelings for chane and yesterday i thought about it and i dont want to pretend anymore.. im just going to back off... its for the good of everyone.. so many more things are fucked up..but i really have to do other things..so maybe ill write more later or ill just write tomorrow.. life hurts....