I was sitting and thinking about suicide, and death in general, and I thought of just how easy it would be for me to just end it all now. But you know what I realised? It's just silly. First of all: What about the people I would leave behind? My mom, my dad, my brother, my friends. I don't want to hurt my mom or dad. My brother would grow up depressed and constantly in my shadow. And how would my friends deal? Okay. Friend. Sarah...might do something rash. I can't let them hurt themselves for me. Second: Isn't it too easy? BAM, knife through your heart, you're dead. It's a cowardly way out, and I won't duck and run. That's what the world wants me to do, but I can take anything they throw at me. I've got God on my side. Third: With my belief in Jesus, I don't think it's right to kill myself. God has plans for me, and I need to fulfill them. Fourth: My youth pastor mentioned a long, long time ago a discussion about suicide. He said that suicidees go to hell. I'm afraid of death as it is--but atleast I have the comfort of knowing I'll go to heaven when it's my time to go. I don't want to fry for eternity. I'm proud of how I'm handling this now, really, I am. I've got a horse show in Tennessee this weekend and my mom is doing everything possible to make my dreams a reality. My dad is so cool. Riley's very grumpy. He also threw a shoe, Tracy's coming today to fix it. The farrier's son is sooo hot. I've been thinking about boys. Not all are bad. I think that just because of what Happened I shouldn't think they'll all hurt me or force me in any way. It's time I make my way back into the real world again. I can't sit under a rock all my life. But that doesn't mean I'll tolerate idiot men. I hate idiots. And whiny people. So. Yeah. I could do a cartwheel right about now, even though i can't cartwheel. *^-^* Oh. And we won the trial. The sucker's going to jail. Love you all, Gooday.