i guess it's officially christmas eve. even if the stupid entry date still says the 23. i't 2 in the morning, and i am sitting here, listening to Dashboard, and thinking. I am dreading christmas. it's going to be hellish, and lonely. my sister is bringing her boyfriend. my brother's girlfriend will pop by, and my parents are together. i'm such a loser. i hate this. But i know i will pretend to smile. My parents haven't even went shopping yet anyway. they are going tomorrow. they are unorganised. well, so am i. i haven't went shopping yet either. it's not like christmas is something i'm anticipating. nope. in fact i think i might just sleep through it. i slept till 2 pm today. that's why i'm not tired. it snowed a shit load today. i hate the snow. but i like the cold breeze. i like being cold. i like being so cold your numb. i want that feeling again. So i went with my dad to pick up my sister. and i ended up getting yelled at many times. i promised myself i wouldn't cut. but there is only so much someone can take. i buckled under the pain. i'm an idiot. oh well. it's not like it hurts anyone, it keeps me sane..but Is this really sanity? Or am i kidding myself? I guess it's pain that tortures this poet.