i hate fighting. god damnit. i hate crying. i hate it when the person who cares acts like they don't. or maybe they really don't. i hate this. depression; i had it. got rid of it. now it's back. not for good. why do bad things happen when you are happy? my dad is dying. he has been dying. i've just been to selfish to worry or even care. he's in the hostbital. again. and i cant even be there with him. i love him. he is trying so hard to live, and here i am living like i am trying to die. i am a selfish childish whore. i am sorry.