i am so stupid. i cant control myself, and therefore i am a complete idiot. i dont understand people at all, especially myself. i need to stop caring about someone who never cared about me. yeah, i do still care about him, but we kept hurting each other...that was so weird...i need to get over myself, and over him. i dont even know him and he will never like me and i am stupid for dreaming. it is better for me not to dream. dreams cause let downs, and let downs cause pain. fuck pain. i wont dream, dreams are stupid, if i have no way to pass my time except for dreaming then i need to get a life. i have more friends than i could ask for and i love them dearly. but i am still alone, i still feel alone, i will always be alone. we are all alone. dont kid yourself, everyone leaves eventually. everyone leaves, and then we are all alone, so we were always alone. its an illusion. a happy dream. i will die alone. will anyone remember my name? no. they wont remember me as a happy person, or someone that they needed. today i had a dream that i was happy. i had a dream that the world was a nice place. then i remembered how shallow everyone is, how stupid everyone is, how fake everyone is. especially me. so fuck dreams. go dream away your pain, dream of a happy place. id rather live in my reality, my realistic nightmares. yeah i know, im a whiney bitch who needs to get over myself. by the way, i am going to springfeild tomorrow and im coming back on saturday or sunday, i dont know when, either way i wont be able to update unless my aunt lets me on their computer.