i smell of smoke. i went up to my room and lit a million candles and lit a lot of insence and read tarot cards, and meditated. fire mezmerizes me. i sat and watched one of the flames grow and change and shrink, and it seemed almost as if it was trying to talk to me. [/strange thoughts about setting my house on fire?] you cant try to change me and expect me to just go along with it. you cant. its not like that. i got some interesting readings.i wrote one down, ill tell it to you later. lets just say for now, that a card that kept coming up when i did readings on me, was the hermit. a need/desire to be alone. _________________ [11:23]PM god damn this, why do i keep breaking? why do i keep breaking, tell me, why do i keep breaking? i cant hold on...