Listening to: linkin park #6 hybrid theory
Feeling: abandoned
The cuts are apart of my life I should fear. I don't fear them now b/c I understand why. And now I have nothing to fear by fear itself. It feels nice to cut off all my feelings and be numb. I rejoice in my freedom.
going numb always makes me hurt worse later. i like pain, but not the kind that hurts you no matter how much you cut or drink or smoke, or whatever. the kind that makes you not able to sleep. so how do you rise above instant gratification? maybe we all want to be tortured. does it get better? will we outgrow this and become more pragmatic? will we want it to be okay some day? will we try to make it work someday?